Okay, I am going to approach a couple of subjects that I have been avoiding like the plague!
First there is the subject of my knee. As many know, in April of 2012, I fell on my knee. I thought at the time no big deal. I figured in a couple of weeks, I'd be good as new. I was incredibly wrong! I suffer from extreme pain every single day. I can barely walk. The swelling is so bad I can hardly bend my knee at times. And, I am part of the in between so I have no insurance. Because of that, I have continue to use my damaged knee until the damage is likely permanent. We are trying to come up with compensating factors to help. I frequently use a cane, I try to limit walking in general, and I take more Tylenol each week to try to stave off the intensive pain. And, I cry, a lot.
Because of all of these things, I have been angry, bitter, and depressed. Which leads me to the second subject. Since every movement hurts, I don't work out at all anymore, and since I am depressed, I eat. I am currently nearly 300 pounds! I haven't been this heavy in a long, long time. My clothes don't fit. I wear pajamas and try to avoid leaving the house as much as possible. But I realize this is not helping me. It's a vicious cycle I have gotten into. The more I weigh, the more stress it puts on my knee. The more stress I put on my knee, the more it hurts. The more it hurts, the less I do. And, the less I do, the more I weigh! So, obviously, something has got to be done.
Today is day one of a serious diet. Unlike before were I still pretty well ate what I wanted and lost weight because I could exercise off the calories, now I have to stick to a low-cal diet if I want to get rid of the pounds. I know this is going to be tough, but I hate the way I look and feel right now so something has to be done. I have added a weight loss ticker back to the top of my page, and I will be logging bites again to track calories so I can get this weight off!
Hopefully, between the loss of weight and the mobility modifications, I can live life again instead of sitting on the side lines and crying. Yesterday we took the kids to the zoo. We spent the extra money to rent a motorized scooter for me. It's the first time in nearly 18 months that we were there long enough to enjoy the zoo. And, I was able to enjoy being there with my kids. Best $25 we ever spent, lol.
I am praying that admitting my struggles will give me the strength to overcome them.
