I know it has been forever since the last time I posted. So many things have changed in so many ways and I let all of that get in the way of something I am truly passionate about. But, it's more than that. So much more.
This blog was started more than 7 years ago. Yesterday, I went through editing and deleting posts. That may seem like an odd choice but it was so cleansing and so very needed. See, when this blog started I was not the person I am now. Not even close. I also wasn't me.
That may seem confusing to a lot of people, but understand it has been just as confusing to me. See, I will tell you I'm not a good liar but that's not entirely true. I hate to lie, but by the time I started this blog in August of 2010 I had become an excellent liar. I had to if I wanted to survive. I'll discuss that in more detail over the next several posts and I will shine a light into all the dark corners because those kinds of secrets and that kind of pain only thrive and survive in the darkness. And, the time has come for all of that to die.
Don't worry, the blog is not going to become all doom and gloom. But, for many of the things to come to make sense, you have to know where it started, how it progressed, and what the fallout really looks like. Without going through the backstory, all of it, you can't understand or appreciate everything that the now is and everything that the future holds.
For now, let me provide an introduction. I think this is key because if you have been following me long, you will realize that even the names have changed.
My name is Harli Q. Boughner. I am 39 years old. That part was easy. The rest, not as much. How do I decide which aspect of who I am comes first? Isn't that the question we all struggle with, the understanding of what part of us is the most important? Does the order in which we introduce ourselves say how we see ourselves? Does it denote which aspects we feel are most key? Does it tell the story of what we hold most important or is it simply a formula that we have as a society decided delivers the information most succinctly? Perhaps that is way too deep of a question at this time of the day.
I suppose the label that makes the most sense to start with for me is I am a survivor. I know it may sound a bit cliche and often over used but to be fair and honest, nothing else would follow if not for that one. Yes, we have all survived to this point. I get that but we have not all survived the same things and some of us have had to work exceedingly hard at it. I will get into the details of the what and how as we move forward but for now I think just the statement is enough.
I am a wife, a partner, and an equal. The three terms may seem like redundancy but they are nothing of the sort. I have been an equal without being a wife or partner. I have been a wife without being a partner or an equal. The fusion of the 3 is an entirely new experience and one that I do not in any way take for granted. Finding my husband, my equal, my partner, my soulmate because yes, I do believe there is such a thing, has helped me find myself again. I'm not saying that without him I would never have found my way back to who I am because I had started the journey before we found each other. I am saying that having him by my side makes even the hardest days easier. He helps me be a better mother and a better human being. He is my mirror and he is the truest mirror anyone could ever hope to find. For that I am incredibly grateful.
I am a mom of 6 here on earth and 1 most spectacular angel. The oldest is 13 and the youngest here with me is 4 although 5 is very quickly approaching. They are all amazing and quite the characters. My angel was born sleeping at 17w 3d on September 4, 2015. Her full story can be found in one of the earlier posts. As this blog progresses, you are sure to hear much about them all.
I am a writer. Not simply a hobbyist or an enthusiast. It is part of the very core of who I am. In addition to making a new commitment to my personal blog, I freelance for a number of blogs. When things get too deep on an emotional level, I am prone to turning to poetry. I have been writing poetry for as long as I can remember but during the dark years, that side of me all but disappeared. In fact, all of me all but disappeared but again, that is for another time.
I am a plus size woman. There have been times when I have not been okay with that at all. There have been times when I have fought the hard fight to try to mold myself into something different. Something society would deem to be acceptable. Something that would take away the stereotypical viewpoint of those who don't know me or my story. But, I have found a love and acceptance of who I am. I don't own a scale and have no need or desire to have one in the house. See, I have come to realize that the only thing a scale tells me is how much gravity pulls down on my mass. It gives no indication of my worth or value as a person, a wife, a mother, a human being. If there are people who want to make snap judgments about who and what I am, they are free to do so. I, however, and comfortable in my skin and with who I am. That is really all that matters.
I am a collector of teddy bears. That makes me an arctophile which is one of my favorite words. Onomatopoeia is actually my very favorite word but that is a separate tangent entirely. The oldest piece in my collection is a ratty little thing I have had since I was 6 years old. I have restarted my collection fairly recently but there are a few pieces that have managed to make it through all the chaos.
There are tons more things that I want to share but I think this "quick post" has gotten more than a little long at this point. It is my goal to share at least once a week. Some stories will be old, some new. There will be posts that help you see and better understand my journey and posts that simply entertain. Regardless of the content, each will be a glimpse into what it is like to be me. Whether it be the good, the bad, and the indifferent, each will bring a clearer picture and it will all be the truth because the time for hiding and sculpting life into a pretty and acceptable picture has come to an end. Life is messy and chaotic. It isn't always sunshine and rainbows but it is the storms that make us appreciate the beauty and the triumph.
